24

Growing is a difficult and tiring process, with so many things to consider and think through about.

Starting this blog at 2006, it's been a good 10 years of my life. I've started when I was 14, bored of school and feeling empty, I decided that i want to learn coding and I want to keep an online diary as my handwriting was too illegible to be read 10 years later anyways. Something to keep me distracted. At one time tho, i was super obsessed and started typing out depressional/emotional thoughts (which was really scary looking back) to about the guys i've had a crush/crushing/crashed throughout my years.

Now at 24 , i need to know what I want or need in my life. What are things that I do would be able to glorify God, how would my thoughts and actions reflect what God has put it in me. What is God's direction for me.

I can't say that I know where I am heading towards, but I pray that journey would be a God-purposeful one. Praying that my next 10 years of my life, I would see many miracles and more excited(and sometimes fearful) of what God has planned out for me.


Faith is Full Assurance In The Heart.

graduation

So yeap, finally, I know it's two months late, but I'm just so lazy okay! :P the most dreaded place of all..... just had to be the venue for graduation. HAHA! it's like making it out alive from the study monster. Battling it for 1.5 years! :D Thank God for his mercy and grace that I can make it, so much effort and lessons learnt. Never ever studied so hard in my life before!

My unwavering refuges, the most touching moment that I could remember is the day before my Personal Wealth Management exam and I was going to flunk that module so badly because I did not attend/late lectures and I can never understand that i was freaking out so badly. My dad just coolly took out his phone and made a few phone calls and then my own financial planner helped me calculate till wee hours in the morning. while my mum was making drinks and food and fruits for me though she has work tmr.

They always have to suffer whenever it's nearing my examinations due to my extremely long hours withdrawal symptoms in my own room (I've once stayed in my room for 3 days straight w/o bathing etc) and obsessive OCD disorder (color coded my wardrobe and labelled every cupboard and drawer and an extremely cleaned room) HAHHA! They were so worried!!!! :P so glad it's all over now (?) *masters masters decisions decisions*

Me going up to take my certification and feeling nervous because it just feel so unreal!!!!!! Inside is like massive loads of butterflies and the need to pee is so strong HAHAHA!!! It's like over in a second though. "台下一年工，台上一分钟" LOLOLOL!

My pillar of support, Throughout the entire uni journey, he has always been with me :P From wooing me to being together and seeing me graduate, wearing my mortarboard and many more memories to create! :D He never failed to assure me using God's words and tahan all my night time whining and nagging. There are times when I felt so insecure and wake up thinking I will failed that module and ending crying because it gets too overwhelming at times but he will always do things to make me at peace. :P I'm never an easy person to love, but I'm so glad that he has the patience to bear with all the baggage I have *heart heart*

 Loving my roses from law law, go order flowers from him at affordable rates! ;D Makes me look like a queen lor seriously. 

Mega love for these roses, The only flowers I liked would be blue roses and rainbow roses, unique and pretty and colors brightens up my day, especially when it gets gloomy at times. 

Thanks friends! :D Though most of them couldn't attend my graduation but still wished me in one way or another, mega loved on that day lah! hahaha! 

SOOOOOoooooooooo..... 

After 2 months....... This is me! :P HAHHA! I looked so much more healthier lor, immediately went to exercise after exams and all. Been getting compliments that I've become slimmer and I'm making effort to eat healthier snack and reducing on carbs and all. Loving my radiant look! And my current obsession is buying makeup products and taking good care of my face, I'm officially a skincare junkie!!! Will post a photo soon about how much my skin care regime had grown from just cleanser to many many face product to make my face ultra dewy. I've definitely become more confident and hopefully this good habits stays for as long as they could. 

It all boils down to being lazy or hard working and making an effort to be whom you would want to be. All the beautiful women in the world takes the extra effort to look beautiful, even if they are blessed with good skin, they still need to maintain it one right!?!??! 

(Loving dating day because nowadays we are on budget, so it gives us more avenues to be creative. And so on this particular day, we head over to clarke quay to just be more touristy and took massive loads of photos. This is me at blisshouse with my bun up hairstyle.... and the last photo I took it with before my BUN DONUT WENT MISSING!!! It was a major depressing moment as it really holds up my thick luscious hair well and I can NEVER find it at Chameleon ever! Super disappointed! Please bring it back soon T.T [lesson learnt, buy 2-3 of them next time round])  

Loving how the photos turn out, DSLR and phone cam really have different quality to it. Love how sharp my features look. But I still need to improve on the lighting of the DSLR :/ I used iphoto to improve on the brightness and saturation. And it shows my brown brown skin hor, I tend to always overdo with the brightening of my skin color because I hate how I get tanner as I grow older though I was born with fair skin tone *Thanks mum* (mega compromise) 

Life's good and im starting work soon! YES, I FINALLY LANDED A JOB! hahaha! Just waiting for the phone call (call me maybe? ;D ) to get back to me ASAP *prays super hard* Not gonna mention it for now :P 

still alive and finally 22!

Been so long since i've updated, still remembered those times when I reached home everyday and the very first website that I go to would be my blog instead of facebook :/ so lazy to update , but still gonna do one about my graduation, birthday and life... in general :)


Not dead yet, just plain lazy to update. thinking of actually creating another blog because ... well, just want a new fresh start? Letting go of things that shouldn't be here have been on my mind for a long long time. and nope, it doesn't bothers me actually. But just want a brand new life/resolution, with a brand renewed mind and determination. Been so long since I've felt this way. Never was a positive person till I met nick. Sure, I do smile alot and all, but just not comfortable to share with people how I really felt, unless it's someone who is super close to me.

Shall update tomorrow after I'm done with my stuff, I just like cramping everything together and get it done within that 1 day so that I could just slack and play for the rest of the days. chiong first, relax later ! :D

Feel like im getting my life back on track ;) shall update this place next time :D

Giving thanks.... for a wonderful boyfriend :)

Giving thanks to God every single day of my life because without him, I won't have met the love of my life, that results in a woman feeling satisfied and thankful everyday in her life. So yeah. I mostly get to do the things that i wanna do without getting criticized so, im quite thankful for a guy who is ultra supportive of the positive things that I've done. So i've experiment with different hairstyles, different nail designs, different type of clothes and different kinds of makeup for everyday during school, work, church, etc etc. ANDDDD

I realized that im ultra good at it :DDDDD HAHAHHA! used to think that im quite lousy, but like different 1-2 time tries, i managed to get it without looking stupid. And im so in love with what im doing, that I have friends bugging me to help them to do it. hehehe! I even have 1-2 friends paying for my services. If im gonna venture biz, im so gonna do a salon that allows you to do your nails, makeup, hairstyles ALL AT THE SAME TIME within 1 hr. hahahaha! And the best part? just need to pay affordable fee and maybe liased with some children/christian support organization that 20% of the proceed goes to them. *biz mindset* LOLOLOL!

 Taken by the kids during christmas. They were having so much fun, and i love love love all the cutesy looking hairstyle that i did on them which i can't do for myself because it's too kidish alr. haha!

 Did a fishtail on this one right at the back. but apparently it can't be seen, and I'm loving this dress that Joyce gave it to me on my birthday and im loving it (aside from the fact that this is the only yellow dress that I own in my entire wardrobe) and this is when I can't do any super nice make up cause I'm still learning :P hahaha! so just a simple (and a bit tad uneven) make up. hhehehe! *i promise im getting better at it! )

Loving this look without make-up but yet my hair looks neat with a bit of messiness in it. hahah! having high tea like a taitai only at paris baguette

What's a even better way to taitai with the love of my life :D hehehehe! 

So yeah, this is my life right now, feeling happy satisfied and thankful for God everyday that I get to learn something new and having a very supportive guy who encourage me to pursue my dreams and to back me up whenever I need help :D Appreciating him alot. I would never wanna let him go :)

Thanks ;')

Sometimes you just have to shut off the whole world in order to listen to your own voice.




And I'm shutting down.
I feel like a mess inside, and i don't like what I'm feeling right now.



But that's what it feels like; growing up.
It gets harder and harder to trust people.
And it's even harder for people to just listen and stop being judgemental or force down their opinions down your throat.



whenever i don't talk, people will think that I'm not normal or sick etc...
but whenever i talk, they ask me to shut up.

The point is? to talk or not to talk?
getting tired of trying.

On the loneliness of days,
I feel that nobody else knows me,
none at all.



Tired and weary.
:'(

the mandatory blog post at 2am.

2am,

Trying to sleep, but i can't and neither do I know why. But all I know, tmr is going to be a non-productive day. Tired during the day, slacking around, and only during the night that I got more active. Guess I'm nocturnal that way.... and it doesn't help when I need to wake up 5hours later, which would probably drag to 2hours later.

Been consecutively studying for the past three weeks, with the more slackest attitude. Its quite bad considering how screwed up my exam schedule are. Yet, I'm only barely scraping through everything. Just wanna get over and done with. Anticipating next Thursday already, last paper and I can slack throughout the whole of May.

Throughout the whole entire study period, I slept early everyday, starting my revision around 2-3pm and ending it at 11pm. Not even a full 12hours schedule, with 1 video in between breaks. That's how bad it has become. Cannot understand the lesson plan due to skipping most of the lectures, which I am still not really regretful for, and doing all the tutorials (more like memorizing and praying that it got into my head). Maybe I got overconfident because I got a lot of love from seniors with their notes right in front of me. This is quite bad.

Been praying to have a humble heart, and to rely on God more than ever. And trying to put in effort and not get distracted by everything else. I need to continue to work hard, to do well. Though I know that education is not a measure of success, but having proper qualifications is needed in the competitive society of Singapore. Knowing that God loves me even if I don't score well just makes education seem so trivial to me.

Experiencing God has never been so real throughout my education journey. Just before my SM paper, I was praying that the essays that I've memorized super hard for would come out. It was just a fleeting thought to get 2-3 questions that I was most confident of. The moment I flip the paper, I immediately smiled. My first thought was: "Praise God, Hallelujah"

Memorizing 12 essays answer is no easy feat, reading through the MCQ questions and memorizing the answer on the way to school doesn't help much. But it was all I managed. I only remembered spending 2 days before the exams, memorizing the essays. And that 2-3 hours before the paper reading through everything, even have 30mins to relax before the paper starts. How amazing God is. I even have time to watch videos during dinner -.-''' which lasted for 1hr. LOL!

Next week, 2 toughest paper in my uni life.I've studied one module but haven't really memorized everything yet (Just gonna read through them before I sleep every night), the other is investment. I can't even do maths, yet I still have the privilege to do investment finance modules. It's an open book exam, but I can't even really calculate anything without referring to the answer sheet. I'm only at chapter 3 with 5 chapters and 5 more days to go. I only have 1 more day of remembering and knowing roughly how to calculate before I start doing my exams papers and going through questions. I need more discipline, and a humble heart, and brain full of wisdom and God's strength.

Can't believe that I'm finally at the last stop of my education journey soon. Suddenly so fearful of the working life. The only thing to anticipate is public holiday. Looking around for Masters degree, but it seem so hard to get. The good ones need working experiences, while the not-so-good ones requires so much money and it's not even really recognize in Singapore.

If only I could just get money without doing anything. But then again, it's not as satisfying as earning your own money and spending it. Boyfriend told me he would 'yang' me if I don't have anymore money. Love how he would always think about me first before himself :) Lucky he met a independent woman in his life :D HAHA! *self-praise*

Oh well, it's going to be 3am soon, timecheck 2.40am. I need to sleep before le boyfriend starts nagging at me and asking to sleep again. Don't like how he always nags at me to sleep more even during exams but knowing that he's truly concerned makes me feel guilty if I ever do snap at him. I really need to curb my temper at times. Too fierce for my own good, need to be more gentle and refined :P

few more weeks to exams

Stress because of exams, and I've not been getting sufficient sleep, and im way behind most of my school work. Indeed, the final lap is always the most arduous journey of all. Need to depend on God and be more hardworking and disciplined.

No sense of urgency and heck care attitude is always the worst thing to go... don't know where my self-discipline gone to nowadays. too tired? got used to it? :/


Been complaining and whining to my boyfriend about it, need to reduce it le :P hehe, it's a bad thing. T.T

because there will always be someone having it worse than me

There are so many things that I would want to say or clarify. But saying it out doesn't solve the problem. So why say it when in the end all it causes are just negativity and it doesn't even contribute in solving the problems. Might as well just suck it up and go with the flow. Especially when the whole entire process is thought through thoroughly.

No point in talking or complaining too much, because it just causes unnecessary discomfort or arguments. The energy in talking and complaining could be used to do more productive work such as completing my projects or event matters on hand.

Never the kind that says out loud, never will be either. I don't need anything from anyone, I believe I can manage. Because in life, even if you can't managed, you still have to manage it. There is no going back or pressing the rewind button. Being angry doesn't equates you venting it on other people, it just shows how much self-control you have over your own emotions. If someone could just vent it like that, it's super irresponsible.



Times like this makes me feel that no one understands me at all.

Because if I don't bother,
I won't go out and go home, sleep for 1-2hrs before wake up in the middle of the night and do my assignments and sacrifice my sleep leaving me with heavier eye bags.

I've got a tougher God

The time of the semester where all the assignments and quizzes piled up leaving us no space to breathe at all. Especially with students who just love to procrastinate; me. This semester assignments are mostly in groups which means that I can't even procrastinate because I don't like the feeling of people thinking that I'm a free rider. And I despise them because I got one of the worst groupings during one semester during my poly days which is unforgettable. The last few days of compiling and doing their part of the work in the middle of the night is a total nightmare. 

One of the rare time that I get to rest, as well as to update this space for a while. Don't feel like doing anything. Wishing that time could stop for a while because I'm so tired playing the game of life. Don't ever wanna stop studying because I'm afraid of the working life, the uncertainty scares me. The thought of moving to another phase of life intimidates me. The questions I get these days are:

'What are your plans after uni?' 

'What industry are you going to?'

'Resume prepare already annot?' 

'Wanna work as a financial consultant?' 

Doesn't help when I haven even finished my exams yet. 

Thank God, I got a loving boyfriend that I could confide in, and did not really ask me so much because he knows the stress I'm under recently.... and knowing when is the right time to ask :) 

No matter how blue my days are, God's words always supported me through it. It's so amazing to see how God's word could still stand through generations and never gets old. Trusting and relying on Him through tough times and knowing that He would bring me through gives me hope. 

More of Him, less of me. 

1 quiz, 2 assignment deadlines. And many events packings to do next week. JY! 

Can't wait for service later, I wanna get re-energized again! 

Sicky virus

Nick fell sick today.... while im recovering from the fever from yesterday :/ It was so horrible. And I kinda feel guilty for not going to his house and taking care of him and went out for dinner instead. Hate the sickly virus that is going on around the place now.


It's been so long since I've been here and blogging. Life is busy with activities that I rarely have time to update. Been out with different group of friends, and celebrating festive occasion with my boyfriend.

3 more days till valentine's day :x And I don't know what to get yet...

Anyway, this year, one of my resolution is to lose weight :x feeling fat recently with all the food from taiwan and cny goodies. Why does all tasty food so sinful??? If only I have a higher metabolism rate that I can just eat as much as I want without being fat.

Going to start running with the shoes that nick got me few days back! :D my Glow-in-the-dark shoes!!!! So excited to wear them out and run. ^^ anyway, I need to go and bathe.... before my room stinks.

The Sea

Went to the beach today, to cool myself down, and to be with nature. it's surprising how few hours/min at the beach, just looking at the waves coming, could calm me down and let me collect my thoughts. It's always my place of solace whenever I feel like breaking down any moment. Of course the beaches in singapore are the "cannot make it" type... but oh well... it's better than nothing ? 

I feel like I could connect to God better whenever I'm at the beach. :/ or maybe it's the only time that im quiet and patience enough to hear him? Sigh. I hope that the things and plans forming in my head would work :) 

Anyway, back to sch tomorrow. Time to get reality in check. 

I'm so tired that i feel like skipping sch tomorrow =.=''' 

On a good note: Boyfriend is making meatballs for me! WOOOHOO! Nothing beats better than having homemade meatballs! I love chefs! LOL! 

Running away

Sometimes, I plan a lot of stuff, and being a guarded person about my own feelings, I always have plan B.... but by Murphey law; what goes wrong will go wrong. Although I always try to contain my own emotions/dissatisfaction, sometimes I can't help but feel pissed. Wasting so much time trying to at least make right, but it's just doesn't come out the way I imagined it to be.

And because of that, sometimes I feel lost... like a ship without a captain. I know that it's God who will direct my path and make it straight, and through prayers and trust, I would gain much more at the end of the day... but, I don't even know the path that God made for me.

Whenever my plans go wrong, I panicked, mentally. I felt afraid, to step out and always to try to make it go my way.... till it couldn't meet anymore and all I see is hopelessness and pent up anger. Disappointment seeps in and made me just feel like giving up.

I don't want things to turn out wrong anymore, I can't control the things around me, I can only pray to have more patience and a more willing and open heart to embrace the ride.

I don't know what will happen few months later, But I know what I want. And this time, If I can't have what I want, I'm just gonna let it go already, maybe because I already know the kind and type I want, and I don't intend to compromise about it. I don't want to keep on trying and be disappointed over and over. Being sucked into something which could be easily solved, causing me so much heartache and misery.

And I should just go to sleep now. Overthinking really kills. unpredictable future and challenges. Why do I always have a bad vibe about it :/ sigh....

it's 2-0-1-4

My life in 2013 

I was pretty determined to get my life back on track, and to have a whole new life of being happy. I don't know what to do honestly, but I know that I have my own feelings and emotion and I have the right to be happy, and pursue my own happiness too. And honestly, it was one of the bestest feelings I have; to finally do my own things without worrying how it would affect people directly. 

Joined council, which is one of the best decision I'm glad to be in it, together with Juntos. They are the ones I first looked for whenever there is CGM/AGM. So glad to have known these wonderful bunch of people who made my uni life bustling with activities. 

And the very first event that I've done in council. The Last Of Us! Idk how we become that close, but i'm glad that we are still talking even though the event was long over. All the gatherings that everyone took time off for shows how impt each of us were in a team :) And I'm deeply honoured to be in it! :)

And of course, my very very very first uni friends that I'e made in university. the two ladies who were the main reason why I look forward to attending lectures together with. All the chit-chats and chiong projects and assignments together. I'm so excited to start school now as I'm tying this. Loving all the girly talks and all the good food that we always go for after lessons or sometimes during the holidays. Uni life won't be the same without them! :) 

and 2013, the year I turned 21. It was finally adulthood. the day I say good bye to being a teenager, from now on, it's the time when I have to weigh the pro and cons during DM and being responsible for my own actions. The planning of the birthday party was insane and I'm so sorry that I cannot invite anymore people in it because it's seriously so packed and it's the only time when I truly realised that I got so many friends :/ My boy was complaining about the amount of polaroids I took that day :p But they are the people whom have grown up with me, and I would like them to be there for me till I'm old :/ HAAHHAA!

My very very very first group of clique friends, some have been with me as long as 7, while the rest started at 14 :/ It's been 7 years together with them and as they say, if your friendship still stay strong after 7 years, they are the people whom you can keep. And they are the ones who have been there with me through my up and downs, knows my temper and attitude. And always being there whenever I need them. One of my avenue for support and envouragement. I love them so much! 

And of course, my very very good go out kakis. Whenever there is sudden cravings for food in the middle of the night, I know who to find :) They are practically my playmates since young and I'm so thankful for them that I learned to take my religion more seriously, to really put in effort in pursuing Christ and a constant reminder that God is with me wherever I am.

 And a bunch of God-loving sisters that God gave to me. I still remember going out with them for movies and dinners on random weekdays. And though we rarely communicate nowadays because of commitments. But they are the sisters closet to me, and I'm thankful to God for them :) HEHE! And I enjoy dancing together with them, it's the practicing and learning that makes everyone more bonded to each other! Can't wait to dance with them again and serve God together!

 And of course my poly mates whom I've grown closer to. The ones whom I can only meet at night because of work and studies, but I love how we would make the effort to go out together. Although we try to make it a monthly event but it still fails :/ They are the example of friends that can don't talk for days and weeks, but still be a girly gossip session whenever we meet up. LOL!

And of course, travelling to korea and experiencing new things and getting onto thrilling roller coaster rides. The land of cosmetics and pretty clothes and chiobu, the place where kpop started! It's been a dream, and I would really want to go back there someday. Got closer to my cousins because of it. :)And I'm glad that we don't meet up every once or twice during christmas or CNY. LOL! 

And.... 

I got  boyfriend :) Although this photo is damn long ago, but no matter how much photo we took over the past few months, this is still my fav. Because he look damn handsome in this one :P HAHAHHA! Thank God for having a boyfriend who can tahan my bitchy-ness and my tantrums and all my princess attitude :p One of the most caring boys which i've dated and taking care of all my needs. Mostly importantly? He would rather I serve God more than going out with him. my best friend since forever, and now my boyfriend :) Love that Mister so much! 

well... this pretty sums up my 2013, hopefully 2014 would be as good :D 

Enriching holidays

Been a long time since I last blogged :) Been attending alot of camps and pakthor-ing, living my life to the fullest and enjoying every bit of my last holiday as a student before I graduate for good and start working till retirement. That thought itself sounds scary enough :(


Anyway, I'm at nick's house blogging abut this :P Going to the zoo tomorrow with some of my camp friends before river with love love :) Feeling good right now ^.^ Life have never been so fulfilling.


All I need is someone to help me dry my hair while I'm typing this post *HINT HINT* (apparently my boyfriend is too busy texting to notice ) and I'm lazy to delete this line. SO BYEEEEE! will update more once im back from my trip + sleeping for the next few hours after that. I'm so lacking in sleep nowadays.

mixed emotions.

I took a bus homed. But I cannot stand it anymore and got off one stop earlier than my usual. Been contemplating to walk home today even at such a late hour. I don't know why I got off earlier, but it happened when a lady behind me said excuse me and I just tap out cause I'm too lazy to give way to her.

But is that really the reason?

Walking home, made me reflect about today and the things I did. Whenever I'm walking home, I start to think deep. And apparently, the more I think, the more upset I am today. the more I re-read the texts, the more furious and disappointed I get.

It was guilt, followed by an unknown pang of anger that quickly turned into disappointments and tears just came out suddenly, and well... I ended up reaching home with swollen eyes. I hate feeling that way. It's like the more I think about it, the more I feel that it wasn't my fault at all.

I hate it when people mistook my good intentions and turn it to a way that I made them angry, or gets too sensitive and touchy just because of the tone that I used was what they perceived it to be; uninterested/pissed/touchy/arrogant. Because honestly, It's not like I can do something about my voice right? It's natural.

I don't know what to do right now honestly. I just want to sleep everything off.

Being angry is not an excuse to vent your anger on others. Being angry at someone who pissed you off is justifiable.

And I'm really pissed off now.
I need more moolahs to buy stuffs and get my starbucks fix tmr.
Hopefully, God will give me a better day tomorrow.  

just a simple prayer

Tomorrow, one of the big days in my life... afraid, worried and anxiousness all inside me. I feel so tired and overwhelmed with what's going on with my life right now. After tomorrow, I would be able to really enjoy the remaining holidays.

I don't think I did well, I have no faith in myself. But I have faith that You will keep me safe, and that I am not measured by how well I do, but you love me and that's enough. I don't need things/worldly views that I am 'good enough' and I thank you for not measuring me that way.

Lord, just give me peace to be able to rest well tonight, and that no matter what happens, everything will turn out fine. I lift my burdens and give it to you, because you are the sovereign God and the Lord of my life.

Be it good or bad, I will gladly accept it, and it's through your grace and mercy that I am able to make it till today.


Feeling so much more better now :)
Good or bad, praise God, no matter how hard it is.

EXAMS ARE OVERRRR!

Feeling tired as I'm typing this. But I'm afraid that I won't ever have the motivation to blog about it or just forget about it. :x Thanking God for the past 1 month of mugging, even though there are many times that I feel like giving up, but He always manage to pull me through. Putting people around my life to motivate me, when I'm down, and receiving texts/whatsapp messages from people whom I'm not really close to especially was quite astonishing for me. 

I don't think I did well for the exams, though I did try my best... and I really did put in effort to study... But I'm not really hoping for a lot anymore. :x Feeling so stress up over the exams, and so tired after so many activities and events, I don't know how did I cope with it, but it's really through your grace and mercy that I'm able to allocate time to study despite my busy schedule. I can only pray that You would give me the strength to embrace the dreadful results that I'm going to get. Got a strong feeling that I would need to retake modules. But I don't want to worry about it everyday because it's quite damaging to my mental health :'( Just let me not think about it too much? :'( 

Over le, jiu over le :x But i'm really happy when it's the last paper. It's like: "FINALLY!!!!" and having the "just wanna get over and done with" type of mindset. 

Wanted to watch Thor after my exams. But apparently, because I went to stay over at yuan's house for the weekend, after abit of intense studying, we decided to watch a movie. Just nice it's a holiday too, and church activities are all last-min cancelled. So I decided to watch it. And partly because I've been whining endlessly to yuan about my exams and stuff (even I feel that I'm naggy) and I think it's a bit unfair for him :x So decided to do something light and spend some time together. *super rare that we got one saturday off from church* 

Thor was quite a good movie to watch overall. But it's disappointing that Chris Hemsworth don't have 6packs! Was so anticipating to see his muscular body (after my friend told me over whatsapp that he would be topless) and it's was like: "meh" Nonetheless, still can't wait to watch the next marvel movies :)

Still feeling super happy that I get to spend weekends with yuan :P hahaha! Waiting for a long term break so that we can fly somewhere instead to relax and let loose. Life in Singapore is so stressful! :'( everyone is so competitive here.

Anyway, Had dinner after my exams with the boy at ichiban boshi instead :) Craving for sushi is satisfied. I'm so happy! hahaa! especially since it's been so long since i last eat sushi! I feel like it's too much to order the rice set though, I cannot finish the rice because I wanted to eat more sushi! :P The yellow submarine is one of my favourite! :D Never disappointed by the food there.

Though I'm sorry that this boy have to eat exp food with me :x when we are suppose to start saving money :( but... how to resist sushi!!!?!?!?! All the salmon and cheese and bacon and the japanese rice! what's there not to love??? :)

Have yogurt after that, I feel cheated by yuan because he was excitedly telling me that we are getting Gelare for dessert. and I leave out a bit of stomach for it, in the end... he only lets me eat my yogurt :(:(:(:(:( The feeling is super sian. After dinner, the boyfriend walk me home :)

And so thank you for all that you have done for me :) Like listening to my fears and playing your game quietly and not disturbing me until I finish studying, feeding me with food and drinks, and all the support that you have given :) The best brother, best friend, sistar and boyfriend ;) You will always be my best guy friend :D Feeling like nothing has changed even though we got together :P still as qian bian and annoying. I'm glad that I got you beside me to be crazy with :D 

Holy is the Lord

We stand and lift up our hands

For the joy of the Lord is our strength

We bow down and worship Him now

How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing

Holy is the Lord, God Almighty

The earth is filled with His glory

Holy is the Lord, God Almighty

The earth is filled with His glory

The earth is filled with His glory

We stand and lift up our hands

For the joy of the Lord is our strength

We bow down and worship Him now

How great, how awesome is He

And together we sing

And everyone sing

Holy is the Lord, God Almighty

The earth is filled with His glory

Holy is the Lord, God Almighty

The earth is filled with His glory

The earth is filled with His glory

Yeah, it's rising up all around

It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

It's rising up all around

It's the anthem of the Lord's renown

Together we sing

And everyone sing

Holy is the Lord, God Almighty

The earth is filled with His glory

Holy is the Lord, God Almighty

The earth is filled with His glory

The earth is filled with His glory

The earth is filled with His glory

Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty

Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty

Holy, Holy

Holy, Holy is the Lord Almighty

Holy Holy

Feeling thankful for a God who would never forsake me, no matter how hard circumstances are ;') Can never fathom how amazing He is! 

Study-ing sianesss

Don't like to calculate stuff. :x



Was doing finance calculations, it's like finally calculate the right ans, and all it took was just an hr? to really understand the concept and the calculations. IDK what to do.... whether it is right or wrong? Memorising theory is one thing. But understanding the calculations and deriving the right answer is another... 1 topic just took me less than an hr to complete? :x

Tmr will be the harder chapters, 5-7 :( Hate all the calculations in the world. =.=''' Can never do well in maths no matter how hard I practice at times.

Was praying for a lot of wisdom and strength and a willing heart to really study and do my best. Shall not care so much about the grades anymore. I really tried to study :'( Luckily I got three more days to study intensively. Today is like a off-day for me to rest and relax a bit while spending 2-3 hrs studying my notes and calculating all the examples.




On a sidenote, I miss my boyfriend already :x 2 days of staying over was so worth it! :3 The late night movie and laoban beancurd, as well as the home cooked macaroni :) Waking up with a lazy smile and nua-ing for the next 1-2 hours :P requesting for water and I would get it straightaway :P if only life is like this every other day *dreams happily*

Can't wait for friday when I finished my papers, run some errands before meeting my boyfriend for another movie or dinner date. And chill with him for the whole of saturday and sunday (Though we'll be busy with other church stuff :x) Smelling the taste of freedom already!!! :D I got three more days to study hard! I can do it!!!! It's the final lap. With God, it's possible!!! :) *thankful*

idk what to put :X

ELLO! :D 

Feeling so zilian that day!!! :D HAHAHA! Was so bored studying that I took all my fave soft toys and taken pictures with them. HAHA! My fave? ELMOOOOOO! :D Boyfriend got it for me during USS! (Not exactly he give 100% :x, but still) HAHAHA!!! love the elmoooo! :D 

And i still think that I look better with spects :x look like a guai kia. And my face don't look that empty. HAHA! And I've got comments that wearing glasses, my face don't look so tired and more lively. Guess I should start wearing it more often. 

Should I start chopping off my hair? :x Seems abit heavy and it's getting harder and harder to maintain it. Should I rebond my hair again??? :( I miss my long straight hair! :( And I need to go for my hair treatment again :( 

Love my pimple-less skin right now. Been using Laneige cleanser and white night-renew cream for quite some time. And I think that it's damn helpful in reducing my pimples as well as my pimple scars. I feel so much more confident right now! :) I hope that I would be able to travel overseas next year again and buy more products at the airport! :) *cheapo* hahaha! Poor student can only think this way.

Wishing that money can drop down from the sky! :( Working for another 15days once exams end. And for the whole of Jan. Hopefully, I would be able to get my pay at the end of nov/jan. HAHA! Need $$ to buy xmas presents in dec. Though some of the presents I've already made/bought. \\^.^// No choice, too busy in dec already. I got so many camps and stuff like that. Where got time!?!

Can't believe I still rejected OPT! :( heart pain. One of my fave event is planning OPT. But I think that it is really not the right time now. Hopefully before I graduate, I would be able to plan OPT once again before I leave my uni life and start working. Half a year more to working life (If everything goes well) 

Feeling that Lord has been blessing me with alot of good things this year, I found the love of my life, did a photoshoot with my fave church ppl, being determined in completing my bible reading, changing the quotes of the month every month and trying my hardest to live by the quotes. Made time for devotion esp during my exam period. Finally 21, and feel that I've grown up quite abit... make time for family, and grew closer to my bunch of cousins. Made awesome friends for the past year, know which friends to keep and which that I shouldn't have..... Overall, it's been a wonderful year :D 

something that I learnt today

I learnt it from a tv show :D

男人最大的面子是什么？

“就是有本事把自己的女朋友宠的无法无天，让别的男人受不了，让所有的男人都羡慕你们的爱情”


secretly hope that it happens to me one day :P

HAHA! but I think it's somewhat there alr :P

bliss :)

Late night HTHT, sharing and just talking, makes me feels like the past, when both of us are more free and able to do what we liked :) 2 more weeks and it will be over soon enough. This is taking too much of my time already :(

I liked how you help me dry my hair at night while im over at your place studying. And I would give it all to learn the things that you love; gaming.

I love how you can tolerate my princess nonsense, bitch-mode, and my PMS mode without being angry :X but instead doing your best to love me for me.

I love it, when I was folding your blankie and contemplating to steal it while you were bathing :P

I love how you can ease my insecurities by saying the right words and not let me overthink, too much that it's bad for my health.

I love how you would wake up extra early just so that you can meet and send me to school because of my exam time schedule.

I love how you would try your best to understand and to know what I really need, even though sometimes you don't know how to do it; you're doing it right though ;)

I love how we can agree on things easily, and disagree but respecting each other points of view at the same time.

And most of all, I love how I can wake up next to you, and getting forehead kisses :)
You are that one guy, that i won't ever want to let go off :) My kind of Tard ;) xoxo

insecurities

Before sleeping, when the night is still and the only thing that are accompanying me would be my thoughts. Thoughts, are the scariest things in life. Overthinking kills, and it creates a problems that wasn't even there in the first place. But why overthink? I often ask myself this. Is it really impt that I would lose sleep, or even cry abit before drifting off to dreamland only to wake up with puffy eyes?


Sometimes, I just feel insecure and uncertain about everything. Be it studies, friends, bgr etc etc. There are so many things that I would feel scared about losing. Because they are things that matter the most to me. Words made me feel insecure too. When ppl started questioning the things that i held dear to, or shake my beliefs, I feel afraid, I won't want it to happen literally. I would get afraid and shut off my feelings to others, or masking it with a smile. And I did it so well, that only 1-2 people would notice it.


And today, tonight, the feeling is greater than ever before. Typing down helps? Idk. But I ran out of ideas to make them go away. I'm so tired and sleepy, and I don't know what to do already.

exams woes + throwing it away

Two more weeks to exams. But yet, I still don't have the sense of urgency to start studying. The motivation has faded and to be honest, sometimes I still don't know why am I studying so hard for....
And I need to start studying tomorrow... Tonight is clearing up all my stuff. So many things that I need to throw away.











I threw away everything few weeks ago. like finally having the courage to do it. Looking back at all the love letters, mini keychains and the promise ring, and the few hundreds of movie stubs, and many more things inside that big box..... it feels a bit wasted to throw it... but I can't move forward unless I do it. Time to time, I still thought of you, and hoping that you are okay. But I guess, I need to move on. Because time doesn't wait for anybody, and it's too short to be wasted on you.



I'm happy right now :) God promises never fail, from now till the end of time. It might hurt at first, but when you God's work in it, it is going to turn out fine.

Can't wait for exams to be over so that I can buy more books and read them all :)

A pleasant reminder

Give thanks, not only after overcoming an obstacle, but even more so during good times. Give thanks, because while I am here typing comfortably under an air-conditioned room, there are people/kids/elderly out there, fighting to survive, staying out in the cold. Simple things like being able to wake up without fail while others are afraid to sleep... for the the fear of not being able to wake up the very next day.

Learning to wake up with a positive thought everyday, and to thank God for everything, even the littlest thing. Because it matters to God, and what matters to God, matters to me too.

Even when the monday blues is kicking in, I will learn to praise God :) 4 more days, 1 more school day. Fight on! :)


26 days to 1st paper
45 days to last paper.
I can do it!

when it's late but you don't feel like sleeping

Feeling so contented with life right at this moment. Finished all my assignments, so now, I could concentrate on finishing my notes and stuff and start preparing for exams! :) But I've been watching The Mentalist non-stop, and my next tv series to catch would be white-collar. 

Next week, it's going to be damn tiring, need to tahan till 3rd Oct! Can't wait for bash to end so that I would be able to focus 100% on my books. Hate modules that has equations or numbers in it. Hopefully I am not one of the four students who failed the test :x Damn afraid of Monday's verdict. 

4 days school week next week! :) And it's dating day on Friday and post event celebration on Saturday! *excited* 

-Just a rant-

The reason why I studied long hours on weekdays, is so that I could play hard on weekends. I practically lived for Saturdays and Sundays. I am not smart. I hate it when people have this misconception that I do well/fairly well in studies, without studying. I wish I am, but I'm not. And studying on weekdays like a chiongster is damn tiring too! Imagine staying at Rochester from 9am all the way to 7pm, with just an hour of break before going home and continue to study till 11pm, Monday to Friday :'(

I want to spend my precious weekends on things that matters a lot to me in my heart. 2 days only to have the freedom, to really catch up with friends, read a book- not textbook obviously, going to church(I would feel lost if I'm not in church on sunday), and if I'm lucky, maybe a short 3-4 hours of dating :( 

Studying short hours on weekdays and playing damn hard on weekends, is a one way suicide ticket to failing your modules. 

And lastly,

Why is my last paper on 8th Nov :'( 

Sometimes the best things happen unexpectedly

Never thought I would end up falling in love with my best friend, but I did, and it is one of the best decision I've been thus far :) The only one who understand my sign language ;P 

Feeling princessy because he treats me like one :)

hectic

Life has been hectic and buzzing with alot of events. Just ended my event01+ 21st birthday party and now I have bash logs on hand, as well as church children dance bundled up with studying, and I can feel my assignments wailing, asking me to hurry up and finish it.

Don't have time to breathe nowadays, and lesser time committed to God :'( and skipped devotion 2-3 already. I can feel myself slipping away and I know that it has to stop. God gave me 24 hours a day which I know that there is a reason why its 24hrs a day and not 48 or 56. But at times like these, it's simply not enough.

I feel so drained, be it mentally/physically or even spiritually.

Yesterday topic is really a reminder for me. I shouldn't be too hard on myself at times. What I might be aiming for, is what the world wants and not what God wants. I should rearrange my priorities and be disciplined enough not to be so easily distracted by everything else.

Living by this quote for the month of september: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is- His good, pleasing and perfect will" Romans 12:2 

Need.a.lot.of.discipline ;'(

Shall go and sleep now, needa wake up 4hours later to complete my assignments. Feeling so screwed up right now. :'(

21st preparation

Preparing for 21st birthday wasn't as easy as I thought it would be... I used to wonder and think, how hard is it to organize your own event and when you can just do what you like, making the important decisions, don't need to waste energy to explain the rationale behind why you wanted it this way.

It's all about ME! 

But.... preparing my 21st is so TIRINGGGGGGGGGG!! Feel like ranting :x

There are just too way many details to take note, and you need to take in consideration of other's religion/preferences. Example: Food. The food that I ordered have to be halal, as well as doesn't have pork and beef in it. I also must have 1-2 dishes which are spicy, as well as the food have to be enough for everyone that I'm inviting.

Sourcing around a few places, finally decided on Changi Treehouse Villa because so the raving reviews, but I failed the balloting :( By the time I wanted to book other places, it's either all unavaliable for booking or exceeded my initial budget. Because my birthday week is also holiday week for students, the prices are all jacked up and poor student like me cannot afford!!!! So I finally settled for Aranda Country Club.

Another problem that keeps me thinking is my theme, I don't want to follow the trend of casinos, due to blackjack being 21, as well as going back to the 80s/90s or even stupid theme like everyone dressing up as a character or some animal looking retarded. I wanted something simple, yet make me stand out among the rest. (Narcissistic much)

Guest list: thinking of who to invite, if only I can don't care about the social norms and invite only those that i'm close to and getting the need to invite people just because they appear in my life more frequently than others. It doesn't mean that I am close to the person, but I still have to invite him/her anyway, just because it's socially/politically right as well as it would reflect bad on me, people probably hold a grudge if I don't invite :x

Decorations: HATE DOING IT NOW. so much time and effort spend and I don't have the time to do it. It's stressing me out with all the quizes and assignment dates creeping towards me :( If only I'm an ocutopus. Need to really catch up on my studies, or else my HD this sem will be wasted!


On the good side, I get to pamper myself with hair treatment and gelish and being treated like a princess on that day. :3 And eat delicious cakes with wine/volka to make me highhhhhhh!