HELEN

ended up sleeping at 3, so many things to think about and my mind is exploding already. I never felt so awake at 3am surprisingly. thought about a lot of things. a lot of what if is in my head. I don't know why does this ever happen. I'm not happy at all. WHY? I thought I had everything in life, A family, friends who care, grades that can get me through, money enough to survive. what should I be upset about. But, I'm not happy. no. not yet.

so many things weighing down, universities, ministries, time, stress, boyfriend.why can't I be an all-rounder as well. why can't I have the best of both worlds. why can't I just have what I want. why am I so insecure. why is it that life is always like a roller coaster, makes me happy in one second, and the next sad. why on earth is there never ending problems.

I wanna snap. I want to have a getaway, I just want to have more time with myself. I want to break free from this city, to go somewhere where I can sit down without having to worry about everything. I wanna throw my phone, my computer so that no one can contact me and I don't have to worry about people contacting or disturbing me.

I want to be happy too. Tired of faking a smile and pretending that everything is fine when it's not.