Answers

Maybe because I used to tell you everything, what I do every single day, every thing that I do, because I want you to be part of my life in a way or maybe I want you to know what I have been doing. But now, it seems like the things that I do were too boring or maybe you are not too happy hearing it. And the things that I do, you would disagree. Some things, that I can never say to you, because it concerns other people too, and hearing it would give you a wrong impression. I don't want you to choose sides, because I'm scared of the result. I'm scared that you would be upset about it. Neither do I like you choosing sides just based on my perception of things. Or maybe you would say it and things get ugly. 

Things that I do, I do have a reason in doing. They are things that I do after much consideration, things that I actually enjoy doing. Things that makes me happy. Things that I do so that I won't regret doing it. I don't want to grow up regretting the things that I wanted when I was young. I'm only young once. People have different way of thinking or doing things. Is it hard to do things that I really wanted, it's not like the things that I do were bad or wrong? But instead of encouraging me, all you did was to discourage or saying stuff that would only pull me down. Is it that hard to get your support? And what happen to: "no matter what decision you make, I will always be there for you?" where were you then? disappear? gone? what happen? 

Feelings, have you ever spared about thought about how I feel when you said things in a moment of anger? the words you said, I have never forgotten. The words hurts till now. But did I say it out? No I did not. And when I said the same exact words to you, you just hang up. You did not like it either isn't it? THEN WHY ON EARTH DID YOU EVEN SAY IT IN THE FIRST PLACE. Since you know how much it hurts, then why did you still say it so many times to me. Why did you? And then just a sorry after that? I'm so sorry, but sometimes, even sorry is not enough for me. The damage is done, what can you do. Nothing. The only thing that I can do is just to fix it myself. How many times have I mended it already? Once, I only said it just once. Hurts right? Then can you imagine the pain that is in me, a dozen times over? I just did the same thing; keeping quiet. They say "Never say sorry for how you feel, it's like saying sorry for being real"  How true it is. From today onwards, I will never say sorry for how and what I feel. 

Understanding? Since when I have not been understanding. I said I know how you feel already, I can understand. But I have my feelings to take care of either. I can't just say that I feel that it's okay because I know that it is not okay, IT IS NOT OKAY. I'm feeling sore over it. I feel angry over it, I feel so disappointed.  But I know that you did not want it happen either. How many times have you promised me and how many times have you done it? You always keep my hopes up and then just throw it away, and what am I doing? Comforting myself that the next time, I won't ever fucking believe it anymore. I shall not even mention or ask anymore. And then another came. To keep on trying? Thanks, so you mean you want me to keep on trying to ask and believing it all over again and then I got let down at the end of the day and then I'm suppose to feel sad for a minute or two and then: "HEY MAN, IT'S OKAY, IT'S ALRIGHT" and then the whole cycle repeat itself again? Talk about self-inflicting pain. I'm so sorry, I'm not superman to get my heart broken and torn apart so many times. And this is your way of loving me? If this is the way you love me, then I'm so sorry, I rather you just leave me alone then. 

Love. You said you do. But whatever happen to it? Have you ever wondered, why I did not text as often as I do? Or why I never said things that I used to say it almost everyday? Because ever since that fateful day, my trust in your dropped. I don't know when I will ever see it again. I don't know when you are truthful. You told me that you would? BUT HOW OFTEN ARE WE? Things you already promised me, you failed to do it. Once or twice is forgivable, but too frequent makes it a No-No. How to believe? Even God gave me assurance to believe. What about you? And then if I don't text you are going to text other people more often? Your assurance? that if I text you often, you won't text others? You always never fail to fail me. Who knows maybe I might see something again. And then you are going to give me all the excuses explanation which don't matter because what I see can't be lying to me right. I don't see any other hidden meaning.