Thursday, May 26, 2011

Stupid emo bug

Insecurities. 


At night like these, listening to Taylor swift's songs, makes me feel like crying. All of her lyrics, her songs, the meaning beneath it, and relating your experiences with hers, all you could do is reminisce. 

To my 1st ex-bf, 
Thanks, for setting the standards as to which guy I would date after you. Thanks for teaching me that loving someone is hard and that you should not take your partner for granted. At the same time, thanks for changing me. A naive girl who believes that love is forever, and dashing me hope. There is no such thing as prince charming. Or a prince who is on a white horse, sweeping you away, saving you from dragons. You will always have a part of me, no matter how many guys I've dated. 

To my first crush who never love me back, 
one sided love is hard, especially when you are one loving the other. Wanted to hold you in my arms and telling the world that you are mine, but couldn't because I did not have the guts to do so. Loving you silently is hard, seeing you being touchy with other girls is hard. Wishing you would look at me is like wishing for money to drop from the skies. Seeing you and your new love makes me so angry but I have no where else to vent my anger on, I don't even have the rights to be angry.You teasing me, giving me the wrong signal left me helpless. Moving on from you is harder. But I still did, in the end. 

To the guy whom I was in the longest r/s in, 
DAMM YOU. seriously, I hate you so much. I can't believe it. It hurts, it truly hurts, the endless nights pinning for you, wishing that I would take you back but forcing myself not to. The feeling of unloved, lousy, lost. What's the point in saying sorry when it's already been done? What's the point of saying that you will not do it again when you did. How many more lies are you going to keep up before you would break the whole damm truth to me. Wishing that you disappear in my life, but you can't because you are already imprinted in mine. It's like taking that three years of memories away. 

I learnt, never to love someone fully, I learnt, never ever be with someone who treated you like an option. Learnt to stand up for my own rights and not to ill-treat myself. Sorry is never enough and no matter what you do, it just won't work out. Pictures of you and me deleted, letters from you to me tore and burnt in a box before digging a hole and throwing it away, crying all the while. 

to move on after that was hell. pretending to be alright when I'm not. thoughts of you haunt me no matter what I do. Places where we used to go together was taboo, ignoring all your calls and texts kills me. But I grew stronger, and in the end, even though now and then I thought of you...you were just a fragment of my memories. That's all you are and that's all you ever be. 

To my current boyfriend: 
Thanks for being there for me, even though you knew how broken I was inside. Thanks for trying so hard to fix me. Making me feel wanted and loved. Treated me like a precious jewel, never replacing me with another, even though there are scratches. Thanks for giving in to me at times, for making me smile. Even though I always told you that forever don't last and happy endings are so once upon a time, you would always try to prove me wrong. 

Thank you, for you :) 

P.S: I hope that one day, I would get to be Mrs Chua :)  

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