These few days, weeks and months, I learnt so much, been through so much, got my hopes up and dashed. Heart is so painful that I thought I can never take it again.
but my youth pastor said one sentence that made me feel so loved. she said: "上帝很疼你" when I heard this sentence, I broke down, I am not worthy of his love, not worthy to even make him die for my sins and yet knowing that he love me so much through it all, makes me feel so loved. More loved than I ever experienced. Indeed, he has always been there for me, through good and bad times, there are also times when I went away from him, but I came back and he welcome and received me with open arms.
I'm not a very devoted Christian at first. At first, I thought that as long as I did not do anything major, im sure that I'm okay. Then I started to know God more and know more, then slowly, I started growing and applying what I've learnt in my daily lifestyle, that's when I know that being a Christian is not a religion, but a lifestyle. I want to live a Christ-liked lifestyle. I started to be more active in church, serving fervently, depending on God, loving him with all that I have.
The real test comes when I had to chose between God and him. I chose God, I don't know why, I thought it is over, I was so sad, but I could not cry. I know that if I chose him, I get him, but if I don't, it's gone. I still chose God in the end. I cannot just leave God, I would rather have God than anyone else. I won't ever want to offend God, I know that it hurts, but I'm sure that God would honour me just like how I honour him. And my God never fails.
He gave me a lot of opportunities, and places people whom I can learn from and experience, he gave me challenges to overcome and tears to cry, he gave me the power to pray and seek for wisdom, to do the right things at the right time. He is always there for me no matter what time it is.
Tonight, the feeling so wanting to be with God feels so strong, I want to hold on to him no matter what. To serve him with all that I have, to be more spiritually mature. To glorify his name and be a living testimony. I'm not worthy, but yet he loves me that he even knows how many strands of hair I have. God never fails. He is love himself. He loves me that nothing can ever measure up how much God loves me.
