my thoughts out loud

I still got alot of past events that I should blog about, but I'm currently on hold because I'm waiting for pictures :) So in the meanwhile, I feel like blogging more about my thoughts.

life, been great to me lately. Got into a deep relationship with God. Buying more Christians spiritual books to "upgrade" myself. I got to redecorate my own room, I have new furnitures moving in. I started school, had my first lesson today, made new friends. Thinking about joining a CCA or have a part time job to get more money so that I can spend more. Meeting up with my loved ones, friends, cousins, more money spent, but it was worth it. I have nothing to complain about.

Time to time, however, I do feel empty. I know that I shouldn't feel that way. It's like I'm missing something, but I don't know what it is. Hopefully I can find it soon. Sometimes, I get distracted by my own thoughts. I'm feeling abit disconnected with the world at times.

People say that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. That I should just relax and let things come naturally. But that's not me any more. I am especially hard on myself at times, because I know that this is the only way I would made it through. I should just be sad when I am sad, instead of masking my emotions like I always do. It's okay to cry, but my pride doesn't allow me to. Its stupid to cry over things that are stupid and ain't worth your tears.

No matter how much emotions you have, the world just keep on revolving, it doesn't revolve around you and me. I have to fight this battle. Even though I might stumble along the way, at least I got God with me who would lift me up. I need to have more patience, more graciousness, more positive thoughts.

I want to be alone for now...... my walls getting higher everyday. Sorry. sorry to those who wants to get closer but can't. Sorry, because I got nothing right now to offer. Sorry because I am tired. I am not ready.