Needing God back again

I should not pressure myself and just do my best and let God do the rest. I received a text about my essays... well, it wasn't what I expected. I thought I did fairly well.... but apparently, was somewhat disappointed in it. Yes I passed, but apparently, it wasn't a good pass. I know most people would go: "can pass, can 偷笑 already" But I want more than that, more than just a pass.

And I felt even more worried since my exams are all closed books and it's essay style (my first time writing.... report writing is so much more easier please!) that I'm somewhat at a loss on what to do.

Staring at my notes blankly for the past hour, not thinking about it. I feel unproductive today, and decided to stop studying. (I might continue to burn the midnight oil to make for it *guilty*) wondering where I've gone wrong....

Apparently, was praying about it. and it drawn to me, that I've been unconsciously relying on myself. And my focus was on the wrong things. what do I really need? Needing God was the devotion topic for today. And it was obvious to me that this is one aspect of my life that I lack God to work in me. too afraid to fail, and not wanting to let God take the rein and guide me to it. Been relying on myself too much, that I thought I can do well without God's help.

knowing my lesson aka the painful way of not doing well in my essays despite thinking that I did well in it, and knowing that my job is to honour His Kingdom before mine. Letting God lead the way, and having the best plans for me. Sometimes lessons there are for us, as a reminder, a wake up call, a renounce of faith and another way of God telling me: "wrong way, my daughter"

normally, I don't post such stuff on my blog, but the feelings are very strong today. And I'm glad that there are moments when my faith goes all time low, God is always there to pick me up. The feeling that He is talking to me through different channel is tremendous.

I might not do very well in my essays, but I've learnt a valuable lesson through it. Re-fixing my gaze onto the cross, doing my best for God, and not for the grades itself. Grades are secondary, God is my primary.

"Don't deny your need for God. Turn to Him today and find true life" - Tom Felten