I know this isn't exactly morning, the time now is 1:16am and I can't sleep, I don't know why either...I think I need someone/avenue to just vent all my frustrations/feelings/emotions/problems/sadness/loneliness/wei-qu-ness
I never felt so lonely before, it's like I don't know a certain you any more. Is is more like, are you masking yourself and finally decided that before it all ends, you are just going to show your true self to me???? That's one hell of acting that you have put on for that period of time. I don't know who you are any more. Is this the real you, or is that a fake one. I wish I had the courage to ask, but I don't think I have any, but I won't and I will never live with the what if. So one day, I will make sure that I got the courage/bravery inside that will make me ask. I don't want to lose you, it's just so hard. You left like a footprint/imprint on my heart and now you are leaving me???? why. That's all I need to know.
I don't force people to like me, neither do I force myself to like you/him/her/whatever either. I am myself and I don't want to be lying to myself. That's just plain pathetic. You only live once, why let others live your life? Decisions people!!!! Never is it too late to realize this, don't waste time on people who ain't worth it. Spend it wisely on people whom you care and people who cared about you. That's the most important rule. Time is money, make sure you spend you money wisely ;)
Work has been piling, first week of school and everyone is talking about ICA ICA ICA! Seriously, wth is their problems!?! Why mention it on the first week and making me so nervous about it. WHY CAN'T I CHOOSE MY OWN PARTNERS!?! It's like a heart attack to me every single time! I get jumpy every time I hear my own name being called. I want to work with people I can work with.... :( But so far, it's been smooth-sailing. Just hope that I can do well for this sem. Last sem, should make it more fun and memorable.
December is coming, 1 more month to go, I wish that it is December now, I want to go for camps, I'm so lucky that I get to enjoy one every year due to church. And I would always pray hard that I can go for it because it's just so enriching, and you learn/take something that would be with you for the rest of your life. And with friends too, they are friends that would grow old with me, most probably unless they switch churches....
Boyfriend and I haven't been smooth-sailing, I actually almost gave up on the whole r/s it's so tiring to just keep on doing things for him, and he just don't get it until I told him. Which is getting on my nerve because I prefer people to FEEL what I am doing for them, and not just TELLING them: "Hey, I'm thinking of you, and I love you so much that's why I travel and took a cab, went down to meet you even though I am still late" After the whole thing, I saw my own boyfriend crying beside me... and that's when I knew that he loved me. Because a guy would NEVER EVER cry in front of girl, unless he is desperate or something (don't tell me it's what 21th century guys are all like; WIMPS) .-. We are nearing 2yrs7mths! :D Excited for 3years! :D
