I used to not be conscious about the way I speak or talk or eat or hang out like i used to. I used to like to go shopping with you every other random days and I kinda liked it because we sort of share the same taste and can decide on the same type of food and always buying clothes, things that are the same, and it's alright with me even though I'm someone who prefer a little bit of originality. But it's always okay because the person is you.
But now, I don't know how to talk to you any more. It's like, I've tried to asked you out at least once with another friend. But all I get is indifference. I'm feeling awkward and not used to it. But it seems like you are better off without me. We haven talked in days, weeks, maybe even going to a month. It's like now I can't talk to you about anything at all. I don't want and don't know how to make the first move because I would be so conscious about the way I talk or the way I behave. It's like every behaviour that I am showing is just going to get another shake of your head. I want to communicate with you, just like how it used to be. But I don't know if that is even possible any more.
If one day, you asked me if I was going to regret doing what I did weeks back. The answer would be the same, no matter what. Because regret was never in my dictionary and it would just be another life lesson for me to learn.
Maybe you think that I am too much. Maybe that's your limit. Maybe that's all you and I are going to be. I don't want this to be the end for the both of us. But if one day, you would tell me straight in the face that you are not going to be my BFF anymore. It's okay, I understand. It's better than to leave me hanging right now.
Status: Neither here nor there.
Maybe we are too shy to ask each other, maybe IM too shy to ask you. Maybe I'm too scared to take the initiative. But all in all, it was great, being friends with you. Just hope that at least at one point in our friendship journey, you feel it too.
This year, my friendship "luck" is really bad. damm bad. But it allows me to see who is worth keeping and who is not. That's all it is.
1am now, I need to go and sleep. Work starts tomorrow! :D USS soon, hopefully.
$2,
Did not know that friendship is only worth this amount.
