I don't know why I decided to lock up my blog, I don't know why would I lock it in the first place. But as I can recall, I did not want any unwanted people in my life any more. I want to make my own decisions, choose my friends, love them just like how I love my family. I don't need a lot of friends, I just want a few who are able to really take me as a friend.
Locking my blog is like locking up part of my heart. Never to be exposed to people whom I can't trust. I would only appear to be happy, but all that is inside are ugly and nothing. I hate how I treated myself that way. I want to be truly happy, yet I did not want to get hurt. But as the saying goes: "no pain no gain", what am I holding back on. Why is it just so hard for me to open up to people, to let people into my heart, instead of just keep them waiting.
So here, tonight. I'm lonely and I can't find someone to talk to, silence killer. Maybe I am just destined to be alone.... maybe that's just me.
I want to try, to be more open, but sometimes people just don't get what I am trying to say. I don't know what to say or do any more. Sometimes I am trying to change but people just can't see the effort. Then I wonder, who am I really doing it for. Why do I care so much as to how other people think about me. I am tried of trying so hard and I just can't succeed. Hate it to the max seriously! :(
I don't even know how to get through school and be there once and for all. I am tried of meeting up to everyone's else expectation. I just want to get a breather. I want someone who is able to be truthful to be whereby I don't need to have the feeling of jealousy. I want someone who would date me like I'm the only girl in the world. Is it so hard to ask for?
