Gotten a break up. Finally gotten one.
But it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be, maybe because I sort of knew that it was going to happen, and no matter how much it hurts, I knew I have to endure it. I chose it, I have to accept it. This is the second hardest break up that I have to go through, and this is probably more painful than the 1st, but blah, still have to accept this right?
I realized that when two different people have different directions, they can never ever stay together. No matter how much in love or still in love they were. It has to go, or else it would just be misery and unhappiness. and all I wanted was for him to be happy, if being with me was that painful, I would rather let go than to keep on harping on him when his heart is not there with me any more.
He used to be my sunshine, but now, I only want to run away from it. I don't feel like having another man to warm my heart and make me happy, because I don't want to hurt them either. Neither here nor there. It has been such a long time ever since I've resumed to single. I hate being single, I hate the feeling of not having an extra person to care and love and grow and warm my heart, turn my cloudy days to brighter looking ones.
But I am also tired of a relationship that will only last if I give up the things that held the most importance to me. It's like taking the very thing that molded me into who I am today. And no matter how much I love him, if he can't change, I can't stay either. My heart hurts so much right now, but I know that my God will take care of me no matter what.
Looking at all the things and pictures that we have done, took together, never fails to bring a smile across my face. but looking at it, is also another reminder that you are not there with me anymore.
but what hurts the most, is seeing you being so close with the people that I don't like you to hang around with, but you can ignore my feelings and do it anyway, and seeing all this in front of me, just makes me feel so angry and frustrated. maybe because I still care, but I have to move on and just leave it all like this, I need to stop feeling all this emotions, and start getting my life back on track.
To friends, whom know the reason why I broke up, and helped me along the way to save this relationship but it failed anyway, thanks. For being there for me without asking anything/what happen etc, but rather just asking me how I feel, for just sitting down there and hearing me sprout nonsense after nonsense. for holding my hand when my tears fall silently, and keeping quiet to let me cry, and dry my tears after that. For telling me that I deserve better and that I would find a better one. For assuring that I am still pretty and young and this is not the end yet cause I will have a more better looking, more God loving boyfriend/husband. For telling me that you guys will always be there for me no matter what happens. Thanks guys.
For now, I need time, I need God, to heal this heart and to recover. I've been so hurt, so strong and so courageous, doing the right things, instead of doing what I wanted. Thank God for putting the right people in my life.
