Running away

Sometimes, I plan a lot of stuff, and being a guarded person about my own feelings, I always have plan B.... but by Murphey law; what goes wrong will go wrong. Although I always try to contain my own emotions/dissatisfaction, sometimes I can't help but feel pissed. Wasting so much time trying to at least make right, but it's just doesn't come out the way I imagined it to be.

And because of that, sometimes I feel lost... like a ship without a captain. I know that it's God who will direct my path and make it straight, and through prayers and trust, I would gain much more at the end of the day... but, I don't even know the path that God made for me.

Whenever my plans go wrong, I panicked, mentally. I felt afraid, to step out and always to try to make it go my way.... till it couldn't meet anymore and all I see is hopelessness and pent up anger. Disappointment seeps in and made me just feel like giving up.

I don't want things to turn out wrong anymore, I can't control the things around me, I can only pray to have more patience and a more willing and open heart to embrace the ride.

I don't know what will happen few months later, But I know what I want. And this time, If I can't have what I want, I'm just gonna let it go already, maybe because I already know the kind and type I want, and I don't intend to compromise about it. I don't want to keep on trying and be disappointed over and over. Being sucked into something which could be easily solved, causing me so much heartache and misery.

And I should just go to sleep now. Overthinking really kills. unpredictable future and challenges. Why do I always have a bad vibe about it :/ sigh....